Communication & Work Style

It took me two years to finally get everything set for the launch of my first major training event.

It had taken me around a year and a half just to get the presenters I wanted to sign a contract and then to start the collaboration process.  I started with such gusto that it was a little hard for those around me to not strangle me as I set about crafting an event that would help propel my profession in an even better direction.  I was an excited and gung-ho nuisance to everyone I knew - whether they were involved in my profession or not.

The last 6 months have been an adventure to say the least, full of excitement, ups & downs, and challenges I couldn't even know that I would face!  I've learned so much about time management and deadlines that's its almost shocking.  I've learned even more about making assumptions about other people's work styles.  A talented leader in my professional community said to me (as she took office of my state chapter) "I don't believe in personality conflicts, they are communication and work style conflicts."  Dora is an accomplished leader and I look forward to more and more nuggets of wisdom.

This struck me in a very powerful way.  You see, at this point I had started to stumble a little.  Tripping on things I didn't even know existed.  Facing challenges I couldn't have known I would confront in such a new and exciting endeavor.

I've also done a lot to become be a better leader.  I've read books, man!  I was under the false impression that I wouldn't/couldn't be stumbling on these kinds of road blocks.  I should be rocking it out and everyone should be impressed. I already knew how reframing something can change your perspective, but taking a look at the challenges I was/am facing putting together this event, I was feeling a bit lost.  I was taking everything personally and just got stuck in a slow moving downward spiral of frustration and anger.

Dora is totally right, very few people set out to be disruptive or frustrating - and if that's truly their intent, kick them to the curb.  We all make assumptions about a collaborator's work style and communication preference.  It's all part of the human condition.  So, with that beautiful tid-bit in mind, I was able to refocus and reignite my passion for this wonderful event.  With this reframe in mind, I've started putting out the right energy and feeling all of that excitement again.

I'm happy to say that I'm selling tickets to the event and it looks to be a country wide gathering of leaders in my field.  And I did that.... with some pretty amazing help and wisdom.

Post Vacation Musings

Vacations are great.  I look forward to my 2 weeks in Michigan with family every year with a great deal of excitement.  I just got back and this year could have been like every year before it, but it wasn't.

You know how it goes, you arrive - "I've got plenty of time to see everyone and do all of these really cool things!"

Then it's 2 days before you leave - "How... what the.. How'd it even get this far into vacation and I haven't done x, y, z OR that coffee date with Suzy."

I live 1,200 miles from my immediate family.  My husband's family is just as far away.  We very much adore our lives here in (amazing) Colorado, but it can be challenging.  Only seeing family once a year - showing up every year and things are just a little different, a little older, just enough to be noticeable in subtle ways.  Sadness as you leave, realizing it's going to be 320 days before you can get another in person hug again.  Then, you get home and hit the ground running.

This year I decided to do my vacation a little differently, less sad and more joy.  As Brené Brown points out, a common human experience is to forebode joy.  We feel happy and as soon as we realize it, we back out of that great feeling - worried that it will quickly and possibly sadly come to an end.  Just having an awareness of this phenomena (which I am SUPER guilty of sliding into) has changed how I experience small joyful moments in my life.  Allowing those precious moments to last longer, taking a beat to recognize when I am in fact foreboding joy.  In general relaxing into the everyday joy of life, not trying to avoid the highs and lows of emotion.

I've been practicing recognizing when I forebode joy.  Then, vacation with my family was upon me.  I knew this was the time to really practice recognizing when I was foreboding joy and lean into the moment.  Those little moments that really show the kind of people I have in my family:

- On the back of Dad's motorcycle - dancing
- Driving to work with my Mom - just talking
- Going to the movies with my Brothers - just being kids
- Sitting on the back porch, sipping coffee
- Getting in the freezing pool even though it's freezing
- Chinese food - with my best friend
- Seeing everyone smile

This year, those tiny moments would feel joyful, then I would start to feel sad.  I paused, accepted the sadness and miraculously that sadness left and a wave of appreciation for the moment emerged.  I am so grateful for those little moments with my family, they make vacations feel safe, secure, loved.

The goal is to take this practice into my daily life, so by the time next year roles around I can start to amplify my joy.

Relax into it.

What does all of this struggle and frustration teach me? Big question, little answer.

I am putting on a $10,000 event. It's kind of a huge deal. I'm bringing in a presenter team that is known around the country for their work in my field and for their work as spiritual growth leaders for my profession. I pursued them for a year and a half.

I got them. They're coming in October. And I have never been so frustrated in my entire life. It feels like one frustration after another has come up and I'm doing my very best not to burn this bridge (burning bridges is my superpower) and keep a cool head. I'm in this path of trying to find personal growth, a dose of enlightenment. And it's been killing me that I keep running into road blocks.

I keep catching glimpses of the lessons I'm meant to learn... "don't rush it" "keep the big picture in mind" "Breathing is necessary."

Then, I was listening to Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love  and he's basically talking about re-framing your experiences and he says, “What if this was a gift? What if this is necessary what if actually all this crazy stuff going on is an answer to my deepest prayer?”

That hit home for me in a big way. I've been trying to keep all of the things I've learned in the forefront of my mind. I've told several people, "I can't wait to do the next one, I've learned so much!" However, I'm not sure I'd gotten to the point of "THIS whole experience is meant to fall out this way. Relax into it."

That's my simple answer - relax into it. The thing is, I come to this same answer over and over and over and over and over again. But, each time I go a little deeper, understand it a teensy bit more than the time before. Sometimes that answer will flat out blindside me. It is, however, forward motion.

So, what experience can you relax into?

The simplest rule to improve productivity - The One Minute Rule!

What can you do in 1 minute?

I read and adored Gretchin Rubin's The Happiness Project.  If you've not read it, I highly suggest it.  The book documents Gretchin's journey to up her happiness - through awareness and effort.  She did bunches and bunches of research and then mapped out one year of activities to take her base-level happiness (which was at a very healthy level) even higher.

One of the activities she created early in her year was her One Minute Rule - if you can do something in less than 1 minute - DO IT!  Don't put it off.  Gretchin started with making her bed, a keystone habit (great place to start doing research on habit formation, by the way) that propelled her onto doing small changes that made her life a bit happier.

I do my best to live with this rule in mind.  I am a natural procrastinator and clutter easily becomes background to me; I don't see clutter after 24 hours.  This small but profound shift can easily spark me on to more and more productivity.  This little trick is how I get the dishes done - "I can unload the dishwasher in 1 minute - do it!"  Then,  I will automatically load, BAM!  The dishes are done.

My home is a little bit cleaner, a bit neater.  Then, when it needs to be really straightened up  I don't spend twice as much time cleaning (throwing away paper plates, putting my 17 ga-gillion coffee cups in the sink, all the little things that get under your skin).  I get to start off in a bit easier place, avoiding a week's worth of small bothers - no clean forks, knowing where the remote is, finding clean underwear... you get the picture.

Added bonus - my husband hates clutter!  Keeping this rule in mind helps create a calmer space for the man in my home who I happen to really like.  He notices that things are tidier and he's happier, more willing to do small household chores.  Win-win.

List a bunch of activities you can do in 1 minute.  Keep this list in an easy place and use it to take care of little things.  I suggest the front screen of your smart phone.  Every time you open your phone and waste time, you have the reminder (and option) to accomplish a small productive task.

Ask 5 people - "What are my gifts?"

I enrolled in Marie Forleo's BSchool.  It was/is a marvelous, ridiculous, hella hard experience, but worth every moment.  EVERY MOMENT.

One of the exercises was to ask 25 people to describe what your gifts are.  TWENTY-FIVE!  I set up a SurveyMonkey and sent out 25 terrifying emails asking for three words that describe me/my gifts.  These 3 words didn't have to be 'positive' or 'nice.'  They had to be authentic and accurate.  I took the top 5 words and let them inform my decisions as I worked through BSchool.

The response wasn't 100%, but the answers were amazing, authentic, and breath-taking.  I couldn't believe some of the responses that were given.  It brought me to tears.  AND to top it all off - 5 people responded in under 10 minutes.  People were chomping at the bit to tell me what they thought of me.  It was a liberating experience.  It brought me up - even higher - than I already was.  Setting a benchmark that I wasn't even aware of for self-awareness and self-love.

I challenge you to do the same.  You can even start with 5 people, ask - "What are my gifts?"

Abundance already exists - learning to 'get it.'

I've been thinking a lot about abundance lately.  Just recently I realized that I already have an abundant lifestyle.  But, I hadn't realized it.  Or rather, I only realize it in blips of consciousness.

I kept thinking to myself "I need to do more money affirmations - I attract money in ways I never imagined."

Funny thing is, I've already done that!  I never imagined that I would be doing workshops and making money doing that in my 20's.  I DO THAT! I put on phenomenal workshops and now I've launched a 2 day EVENT!  An event that's going to cost me $10,000!  That's a crazy number, but it has never scared me.  I've collected under $1,000 for this event, but nothing about that bothers me.

I've already had the vision of being 'SOLD OUT,'  seeing people walk into the room - excited to be a part of this great event!  This event will be a wonderful success.  I know it, in a way that goes beyond a feeling at the pit of my stomach.  I no longer feel it actively, it's as if it's already happened.

It is a reality.  I have an abundant lifestyle.  WORKING to find that reality causes me to disassociate from the reality.  By creating 'abundance mantras' I was actually feeling the lack of.  So, I was projecting lack.  Just being aware of what I'm projecting - that lack - allows me to let it go and really 'get it.'  I've found this abundance in one area of my life.  The clarity here is, that the abundance isn't only in one area - it's my life's trajectory.  

The lesson for me here - live the reality and stop working to find it, it already exists.

What's your reality, what are you projecting - are they in alignment?

Where do you feel safe?

This is such an interesting question to me because it means to me the feeling of security.  That overwhelming sense of 'ok' to me.  How do I find that feeling of safe...

That feeling of safe starts in the top of my stomach and it radiates out.  It reaches into my limbs and finally into my face.  My body/muscles relax and I feel heavier and lighter all at the same time.  My jaw is the last place in my body to relax.  I know that I am in a good place when I can feel my jaw relax.  That's usually followed promptly by a yawn (one of the ways the body releases pent up energy). 

If I'm not paying attention a funny thing happens.  I start the process of feeling safe -but the feeling never fully manifests in me.  I feel relaxed, but not completely.  There's a current of unease that doesn't go away and I'm not even aware of it, but I find myself thinking about all the problems of my world - family troubles, a friend's love life, etc.  My mind gets away from me and I don't fully realize it until I feel  my body tense up.  Then, I have to start all over again.

I know this is a common experience.  So, as I begin the process of self-awareness I catch this last drop of safety (a relaxed jaw) being held out of reach and then I decide - let it happen. I let it drop, my jaw relaxes, I yawn - I am safe.

I used to find this safety only at home.  Now, the more I practice finding a safe feeling, I can do it in other places.  Now, I can find that safety in the car after a long day, stressful experience, or when I'm hot because the inside of my car is a jillion degrees and there's frozen food in my trunk.  I can find it while I'm working if the subject matter is getting at my subconscious. It's a practice - feel safe.

Where do you feel safe? What does that feel like?