"Turn Around"

I had a light bulb moment in 2012.  I took this class.  It was 5 weeks long, with a teacher that had traveled the world, there were about 10 students.  On the first day the teacher said, "This class is intense.  It changes people.  SO, if you're not ready, withdraw.  Don't fight it.  When you're ready, you'll be in the class."

That's quite the disclaimer.  Well, it was true.

This class changed my life.  We did many exercises that helped me realize that what I wanted in life, was not present.  The class focused on making your goals align with your work.

I have always been the one who will be on the front line.  Fighting, fighting everything.  I was miserable at my job.  I was fighting the injustice of what was happening, every.day. Always fighting a battle I knew I couldn't conquer.  I was tired, burnt out, grieving what my job should have been (I didn't realize that until later), beating my head against the wall.  All day, everyday, without fail... killing myself.

Then, one day in class we were discussing our careers.  A couple people realized that their unhappiness at work was their own doing and their goals matched up with their career.  Some of us weren't as lucky.  One of the students who was in alignment with her goals and career said this:

"I used to beat my head against a wall.  So focused on what I was doing, I never realized I could turn around and take a different path and arrive where I wanted to go."

It was at this moment that I yelled, "TURN AROUND! OH MY GOD, I CAN JUST TURN AROUND!!"  I didn't realize I was yelling, but my light bulb not only went off, it lit the room.

A few months later, after finding some peace, I was forced to 'Turn Around' and move on from that job (read: I got fired, oops).  I've had several 'Turn Around' moments in my life.  Keeping that option open to my consciousness is a struggle, but maybe by releasing this energy and story, it can come back around to me more often.