Relax into it.

What does all of this struggle and frustration teach me? Big question, little answer.

I am putting on a $10,000 event. It's kind of a huge deal. I'm bringing in a presenter team that is known around the country for their work in my field and for their work as spiritual growth leaders for my profession. I pursued them for a year and a half.

I got them. They're coming in October. And I have never been so frustrated in my entire life. It feels like one frustration after another has come up and I'm doing my very best not to burn this bridge (burning bridges is my superpower) and keep a cool head. I'm in this path of trying to find personal growth, a dose of enlightenment. And it's been killing me that I keep running into road blocks.

I keep catching glimpses of the lessons I'm meant to learn... "don't rush it" "keep the big picture in mind" "Breathing is necessary."

Then, I was listening to Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love  and he's basically talking about re-framing your experiences and he says, “What if this was a gift? What if this is necessary what if actually all this crazy stuff going on is an answer to my deepest prayer?”

That hit home for me in a big way. I've been trying to keep all of the things I've learned in the forefront of my mind. I've told several people, "I can't wait to do the next one, I've learned so much!" However, I'm not sure I'd gotten to the point of "THIS whole experience is meant to fall out this way. Relax into it."

That's my simple answer - relax into it. The thing is, I come to this same answer over and over and over and over and over again. But, each time I go a little deeper, understand it a teensy bit more than the time before. Sometimes that answer will flat out blindside me. It is, however, forward motion.

So, what experience can you relax into?

The simplest rule to improve productivity - The One Minute Rule!

What can you do in 1 minute?

I read and adored Gretchin Rubin's The Happiness Project.  If you've not read it, I highly suggest it.  The book documents Gretchin's journey to up her happiness - through awareness and effort.  She did bunches and bunches of research and then mapped out one year of activities to take her base-level happiness (which was at a very healthy level) even higher.

One of the activities she created early in her year was her One Minute Rule - if you can do something in less than 1 minute - DO IT!  Don't put it off.  Gretchin started with making her bed, a keystone habit (great place to start doing research on habit formation, by the way) that propelled her onto doing small changes that made her life a bit happier.

I do my best to live with this rule in mind.  I am a natural procrastinator and clutter easily becomes background to me; I don't see clutter after 24 hours.  This small but profound shift can easily spark me on to more and more productivity.  This little trick is how I get the dishes done - "I can unload the dishwasher in 1 minute - do it!"  Then,  I will automatically load, BAM!  The dishes are done.

My home is a little bit cleaner, a bit neater.  Then, when it needs to be really straightened up  I don't spend twice as much time cleaning (throwing away paper plates, putting my 17 ga-gillion coffee cups in the sink, all the little things that get under your skin).  I get to start off in a bit easier place, avoiding a week's worth of small bothers - no clean forks, knowing where the remote is, finding clean underwear... you get the picture.

Added bonus - my husband hates clutter!  Keeping this rule in mind helps create a calmer space for the man in my home who I happen to really like.  He notices that things are tidier and he's happier, more willing to do small household chores.  Win-win.

List a bunch of activities you can do in 1 minute.  Keep this list in an easy place and use it to take care of little things.  I suggest the front screen of your smart phone.  Every time you open your phone and waste time, you have the reminder (and option) to accomplish a small productive task.

Blogging is hard ;)

So, I struggle with doing much on a regular basis.  Blogging not excluded.

Then I realized that one of the blogs I follow (Gretchen Rubin) sometimes has lengthy updates and SOMETIMES, it's not much longer than a Facebook post....

Here it goes, Facebook sized:

I am super excited about my upcoming conference in October.  I also just wrapped up my first book club and I know what book to do next (authored by the talented Gretchen Rubin, btw), I am always surprised by how easy and hard my marriage is, and last but not least.... The eCourse I am taking hosted by Brene Brown and Oprah is kicking my butt and making me take notice of more in my life.  I am pleased :)

Just a short note!

I just realized that by focusing on Coaching that my other business is expanding in the direction I wanted with little effort on my part.

Have I finally learned detachment?  More than likely, I have simply been less obsessive.

Either way, I just wanted to let the world know that because I have been focusing on Coaching, my other business (which also facilitates growth, but for a very small and specific niche) is growing and I sent out my first email blast for an upcoming workshop I am hosting and booked another, without killing myself.

This feels very natural and easy.  I think this is what I am striving to achieve with Coaching.  Maybe I can learn a lesson from myself and work on letting things be without stressing.... we'll see how that goes....

Thanks Universe, you're keeping this girl pretty happy!!

Letting Others Influence Your Experience...

Stopping other people from influencing your experience is pretty darn hard.  In my path to figuring out life and how I want to live it, I decided pretty early on, that other people and their negative behaviors/attitudes/worldview/you name it, was going to have less impact on me.  Just setting that intention has allowed the little things that others do, more easily slide off my back.

I want to be that spiritual duck, everything runs off my back. It passes over me, touching me, but not ruffling my down.  Yea know, spiritual duck.

Because of my diligence in this area I find that traffic doesn't bother me much anymore, I don't feel impatient with slow people in front of me, I don't feed into strangers bad moods by adding fodder to their negativity cannon, and other such things that have made my day-to-day life a little brighter.

Lets jump ahead to earlier this week.  As part of my journey, I have signed up for some life coaching classes, where I learn different tips and tricks to be an effective life coach.  I am pretty excited about it, I get to be surrounded (over the phone) by people of a similar mind set. Other spiritual ducks in training if you will.

So, imagine my surprise when one of my fellow spiritual ducks is a total dud!  He has openly told the wonderful woman running the class that "Well, to be honest, I didn't really learn anything new today."  First of all, there's a difference between an honest comment and an 'honest' comment that aims to attack and belittle.

Without even realizing it, I have been berating this person off and on all day.  I just can't believe someone would speak that way in front of others.  Then I think, in my haughty spiritual duck tone, "Well, that person must have some pretty serious issues to work through!"

HELLO! I am gossiping about this guy, to myself and letting him mess with me.  That's crazy!

"Gossip is black magic at its very worst because it is pure poison" p.37, Ch. 2 - The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz

I poisoned myself and am waiting for him to feel the anguish of being poisoned.  Crazy.

All I can do is try and let it go.  What I should do (with my amazing mind powers) is send him some positive vibes..... done.  Now to see if I can maintain that.

Skewed Self Perception

I am not 100% sure what it is that I see in my minds eye when I think of myself.  I'm probably about 16 if I'm being honest, with different snap shots of myself blurred on top of it....

This internal perception of myself I know is off.  Here's why I know this to be a f.a.c.t.  I will sometime do a double take of others' pictures and wonder if that's a picture of myself.  Upon closer inspection, I realize that the picture is not of me and actually emphasizes one of the areas of my personal appearance that I dislike - acne, weight, posture, bad teeth, etc.

I did that just the other day.  I was on a Facebook page and they had a collage of members, I saw a picture of someone with glasses and crooked teeth.  The first thing I thought was, "Where did that picture of me come from and WHY is it on some random Facebook page?!"

It wasn't me, it was a nice picture of one of the page admins and their child.  I was so worried someone would see my crooked smile, I completely missed the child in the photo.

Here's the real kicker.  I haven't had a crooked smile in almost ten years.  However, the self-conscious 16 year old that lives in my mind is still stuck on that aspect of her appearance.  I am sure I have been doing these double takes my whole life, but it wasn't until recently that I actively started to notice what I was doing.

How do you heal that?!  Is it simply a matter of recognizing it so that way it will disappear?  I'm not sure, so this is what I did:

1.  I told myself that it wasn't me and it was OK that I thought it was, I am safe.
2.  I told that admin that she was beautiful (via my amazing mind powers) and applauded her courage to smile.
3.  I reminded myself again that it was OK for me to smile now and as a 16 year old girl.
4.  I smiled.  Like, really smiled at the amazing way my mind works to bring me to awareness.
5.  I took a drink of coffee, loved on my cat, and moved on.

I think that is a pretty good place to start.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those overly simplified topics.  As if forgiveness were easy and as soon as you mastered it, you sprout a halo and a choir follows you everywhere you go, singing of your humble nature.

Don't get me wrong, it's definitely a quality to strive for, but we often "give away" forgiveness, when we should keep it. What I mean is, it is easy (read easier) to run around and forgive others their transgressions against us and totally ignore our need to forgive ourselves.  We are the only species in the world that holds onto our own mistakes and dwells on them. My cat certainly doesn't beat himself up for his goofs as a kitten....why then do I belabor my childhood wrongs?!

Self-forgiveness is a far harder characteristic to develop than we realize. It is only when we get honest about the things we haven't forgiven ourselves for that we can truly forgive others.  (And finally get that schnazy choir to follow us around.)

I suggest that we be selfish about forgiveness for a while. Spend that currency on ourselves. Over indulge, go buck wild. See how light it feels to spend some energy on ourselves, letting some of that baggage go.

Easier said than done, but practice makes perfect.

Little Perception Changes

A Course in Miracles says a miracle is "a shift in perception." These little miracles happen all the time, if only we pay attention so that we can see them.

I had a change in perception the other day. I had decided to take an eCourse. This course requires an art journal. I've never had one of those before, but knowing the paper weight requirements, I went to two different art supply stores with my coupon in hand. I could envision what I wanted. I was ready to spend my $20. Except, I couldn't find my art journal!

I had plenty of options, but none of them fit what I wanted. I was close to settling several times. I stopped myself, "I know what I want! Don't settle, you will find it!"

During all of this I was framing some pictures for our home and I needed to have a few blown up.  While picking up these (fabulous) pictures, I decided to poke around and see if I could find the art journal I was looking for.  I didn't feel like I would find it, but I knew to look.

Sure enough, I found exactly what I was looking for!  I checked the price and low and behold it was cheaper than what I would have paid at the art supply store with my coupon.

I smiled and said a little "thank you" out into the universe.  

As I checked out, the art journal was half of what I thought it was!  How exciting!! That's a 75% or more savings, which made me a little giddy!

It was at that point, in my car with my big geeky smile, I realized that this is my 'miracle.'  Instead of taking this experience for granted, I stopped and really appreciated it.  These little moments happen to me all the time and the more I recognize them and appreciate them, the better my days, weeks, and moths go.

(The picture turned out really nice as well!)

Vision Board

Have you tried making a vision board?  It's harder than you'd think.  I made one in late 2012, while reading some great books about what visualization can do for your dreams.

I went to the library and grabbed a couple of magazines from the free/swap bins and came home ready to cut and glue my way to success.  First, magazines are full of junk.  Lots of advertisements that only sport logos and lots of text.  Don't these people know I am trying to create my dreams here?!  Second, glue sticks dry out... quickly.  Third, it's hard to put your dreams into a visual format when you're not super clear on what they are.

Nevertheless, I created something.  I proudly displayed it next to my desk.  I was well on my way to greatness!! 

Well, vision boards don't really work if you only make them.  It didn't help that I put it on my magnet board and almost immediately covered it up with other bits and pieces.  Now, if that's not my subconscious speaking, I'm not sure what is.  I was unclear on what I really wanted and I couldn't even place that fuzzy dream ahead of to-do lists.

Over a year later, I am talking with my good friend Teresa Powers and she shares that she was planning to do a vision board workshop.  "They don't work unless you do the self analysis first.  Vision boards aren't just pictures and glue sticks."

Needless to say, I jumped at the chance to take her workshop.  That workshop was.... AMAZING.  We did self analysis, guided visualizations, identified strengths and weaknesses, created action steps, and brought some awareness to mental blocks.  Only after doing all of that, did we start looking into creating a visual representation of the dream we were trying to clarify.

We also discussed why vision boards aren't magic.  They do not go out and do the work for you.  They do not grow legs and kick you in the behind when you're not going after what you want.  Vision boards are a great tool.  But, that's the key, they are only a tool.  Tools require an operator.

They also require energy, effort, and meditation.  I put a great deal of energy into mine and I look at it everyday.  I put away my old vision board, cleared the clutter from where my vision board was supposed to go, and even got it framed.  Now, nothing sits in front of it and it makes me smile every time I see it.  However, I have yet to really start meditating and visualizing with it.  That might just have to change today.

Here she is in all her glory.  What does yours look like?

Book Club

I have always wanted to be involved in a book club, but I've never done it.  For a multitude of reasons, but mostly because I don't really want to discuss my Self Improvement books with people.  My impression of book clubs, which I assume to be much like my AP Lit class in High School, make mediocre details into a big deal and kill things.  Due to this preconceived notion, I've never pursued joining a book club.

Granted, not everything is "High School 2.0" as one of my good friends would say.  However, I hate when I have one of those blinding moments of clarity and the person I tell about it, just doesn't get it.  I want to discuss and expand my perception of it all.  I want a safe place to put down my thoughts and hear other people's understandings.

Ya know, I always feel silly when I finally change my thought from "Someone should do that, I'd totally get in on it!" to "I'm going to do it for me.  Maybe someone else can get something out of it too."  Once I have that realization I'm amazed I didn't know it sooner.

I created a Book Club.  I'm using Facebook as a platform at the moment.  Maybe it will work, maybe it wont.  All I know is, "I'm doing this for me.  Maybe someone else can get something out of it too."

Self Improvement Musing's Book Club

"Turn Around"

I had a light bulb moment in 2012.  I took this class.  It was 5 weeks long, with a teacher that had traveled the world, there were about 10 students.  On the first day the teacher said, "This class is intense.  It changes people.  SO, if you're not ready, withdraw.  Don't fight it.  When you're ready, you'll be in the class."

That's quite the disclaimer.  Well, it was true.

This class changed my life.  We did many exercises that helped me realize that what I wanted in life, was not present.  The class focused on making your goals align with your work.

I have always been the one who will be on the front line.  Fighting, fighting everything.  I was miserable at my job.  I was fighting the injustice of what was happening, every.day. Always fighting a battle I knew I couldn't conquer.  I was tired, burnt out, grieving what my job should have been (I didn't realize that until later), beating my head against the wall.  All day, everyday, without fail... killing myself.

Then, one day in class we were discussing our careers.  A couple people realized that their unhappiness at work was their own doing and their goals matched up with their career.  Some of us weren't as lucky.  One of the students who was in alignment with her goals and career said this:

"I used to beat my head against a wall.  So focused on what I was doing, I never realized I could turn around and take a different path and arrive where I wanted to go."

It was at this moment that I yelled, "TURN AROUND! OH MY GOD, I CAN JUST TURN AROUND!!"  I didn't realize I was yelling, but my light bulb not only went off, it lit the room.

A few months later, after finding some peace, I was forced to 'Turn Around' and move on from that job (read: I got fired, oops).  I've had several 'Turn Around' moments in my life.  Keeping that option open to my consciousness is a struggle, but maybe by releasing this energy and story, it can come back around to me more often.