Relax into it.

What does all of this struggle and frustration teach me? Big question, little answer.

I am putting on a $10,000 event. It's kind of a huge deal. I'm bringing in a presenter team that is known around the country for their work in my field and for their work as spiritual growth leaders for my profession. I pursued them for a year and a half.

I got them. They're coming in October. And I have never been so frustrated in my entire life. It feels like one frustration after another has come up and I'm doing my very best not to burn this bridge (burning bridges is my superpower) and keep a cool head. I'm in this path of trying to find personal growth, a dose of enlightenment. And it's been killing me that I keep running into road blocks.

I keep catching glimpses of the lessons I'm meant to learn... "don't rush it" "keep the big picture in mind" "Breathing is necessary."

Then, I was listening to Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love  and he's basically talking about re-framing your experiences and he says, “What if this was a gift? What if this is necessary what if actually all this crazy stuff going on is an answer to my deepest prayer?”

That hit home for me in a big way. I've been trying to keep all of the things I've learned in the forefront of my mind. I've told several people, "I can't wait to do the next one, I've learned so much!" However, I'm not sure I'd gotten to the point of "THIS whole experience is meant to fall out this way. Relax into it."

That's my simple answer - relax into it. The thing is, I come to this same answer over and over and over and over and over again. But, each time I go a little deeper, understand it a teensy bit more than the time before. Sometimes that answer will flat out blindside me. It is, however, forward motion.

So, what experience can you relax into?

Abundance already exists - learning to 'get it.'

I've been thinking a lot about abundance lately.  Just recently I realized that I already have an abundant lifestyle.  But, I hadn't realized it.  Or rather, I only realize it in blips of consciousness.

I kept thinking to myself "I need to do more money affirmations - I attract money in ways I never imagined."

Funny thing is, I've already done that!  I never imagined that I would be doing workshops and making money doing that in my 20's.  I DO THAT! I put on phenomenal workshops and now I've launched a 2 day EVENT!  An event that's going to cost me $10,000!  That's a crazy number, but it has never scared me.  I've collected under $1,000 for this event, but nothing about that bothers me.

I've already had the vision of being 'SOLD OUT,'  seeing people walk into the room - excited to be a part of this great event!  This event will be a wonderful success.  I know it, in a way that goes beyond a feeling at the pit of my stomach.  I no longer feel it actively, it's as if it's already happened.

It is a reality.  I have an abundant lifestyle.  WORKING to find that reality causes me to disassociate from the reality.  By creating 'abundance mantras' I was actually feeling the lack of.  So, I was projecting lack.  Just being aware of what I'm projecting - that lack - allows me to let it go and really 'get it.'  I've found this abundance in one area of my life.  The clarity here is, that the abundance isn't only in one area - it's my life's trajectory.  

The lesson for me here - live the reality and stop working to find it, it already exists.

What's your reality, what are you projecting - are they in alignment?

Grieving and Forgiveness!

In an effort to live a more wholehearted life and manifest more love and maybe some Brene Brown friendship ;-) I am taking an online eCourse she is facilitating, based on her book "The Gifts of Imperfection."

The course is 6 weeks long and has 3 live Q&A's.  I've yet to catch one live, but the last Q&A is what I watched today.  It hit me really hard and opened me up!  I have very few regrets/grudges in my life.  But, the ones I do have are pretty major and create some hectic self talk.

"For forgiveness to happen, something must die." & "What had to die was the expectation that this person wouldn't hurt me."
- Brene Brown

Holy WOW!!

I had to, had to pause the video, grab my art journal and use those pages I accidentally skipped (there are no real mistakes, are there?!) to make what is pictured below.

Simply realizing that I was grieving my expectation of failure in the relationship really made me INSTANTLY move beyond the biggest hurtles I was holding onto.

I really want to make this whole entry bold, italicized, underlined, and HUGE font - it hit me that hard!

Then, I posted the page to Twitter (@FacilitatGrowth).  I knew I had to because the thought of sharing and not sharing it made my stomach roll in fear.  So, I did and it got FAVORITED!! I've never had a re-tweet or favorite at this time, so having 2 within an hour of posting this picture really gave me a boost.

Any-who, hopefully, this illuminates and speaks to you a fraction of the way it did to me!

LOVE!
~Shannon

Blogging is hard ;)

So, I struggle with doing much on a regular basis.  Blogging not excluded.

Then I realized that one of the blogs I follow (Gretchen Rubin) sometimes has lengthy updates and SOMETIMES, it's not much longer than a Facebook post....

Here it goes, Facebook sized:

I am super excited about my upcoming conference in October.  I also just wrapped up my first book club and I know what book to do next (authored by the talented Gretchen Rubin, btw), I am always surprised by how easy and hard my marriage is, and last but not least.... The eCourse I am taking hosted by Brene Brown and Oprah is kicking my butt and making me take notice of more in my life.  I am pleased :)

Just a short note!

I just realized that by focusing on Coaching that my other business is expanding in the direction I wanted with little effort on my part.

Have I finally learned detachment?  More than likely, I have simply been less obsessive.

Either way, I just wanted to let the world know that because I have been focusing on Coaching, my other business (which also facilitates growth, but for a very small and specific niche) is growing and I sent out my first email blast for an upcoming workshop I am hosting and booked another, without killing myself.

This feels very natural and easy.  I think this is what I am striving to achieve with Coaching.  Maybe I can learn a lesson from myself and work on letting things be without stressing.... we'll see how that goes....

Thanks Universe, you're keeping this girl pretty happy!!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those overly simplified topics.  As if forgiveness were easy and as soon as you mastered it, you sprout a halo and a choir follows you everywhere you go, singing of your humble nature.

Don't get me wrong, it's definitely a quality to strive for, but we often "give away" forgiveness, when we should keep it. What I mean is, it is easy (read easier) to run around and forgive others their transgressions against us and totally ignore our need to forgive ourselves.  We are the only species in the world that holds onto our own mistakes and dwells on them. My cat certainly doesn't beat himself up for his goofs as a kitten....why then do I belabor my childhood wrongs?!

Self-forgiveness is a far harder characteristic to develop than we realize. It is only when we get honest about the things we haven't forgiven ourselves for that we can truly forgive others.  (And finally get that schnazy choir to follow us around.)

I suggest that we be selfish about forgiveness for a while. Spend that currency on ourselves. Over indulge, go buck wild. See how light it feels to spend some energy on ourselves, letting some of that baggage go.

Easier said than done, but practice makes perfect.

Incremental Change

When I decide I want change in my life it usually comes with the tag of "like, yesterday!"  Example - "I want better posture, like, yesterday!"

I know this mindset is not totally unique to me.  Lots of people suffer like I do, especially in our day and age with instant gratification machines (AKA the internet connected computer).  Which leads to the following cycle:

"OOooohhh, change" → Unrealistic Goal for change (yesterday) → disappointment → "Never gonna change, why bother?" → "OOooohhh, change"

Sounds familiar, right?!  Well, here's my small little glimmer of hope.

My neighbor is going to school for message therapy, which means she gets homework.  This homework means she needs to work on someone to practice the new techniques she is learining.  I've been lucky to be one of her test subjects.  I get so excited for these free messages because they are not your typical relaxation message, she's learning how to retrain the patient's muscles.  She ends up talking through what she's doing with me so I learn an awful lot about my body's muscular and skeletal system.  It is really cool stuff!

Did I mention my upper body/arms are a wreck?!

I saw her in early November and we talked about posture.  My posture was atrocious.  We talked about it and she told me two things - 1. When you think about putting yourself in 'good' posture, don't raise your chin, push it back.  It will change how your spine and shoulders align.  2.  Make sure when you walk, you're not leaning forward.

Got it.  We also talked about my goal cycle, she laughed and said off hand, "Yea, I get that.  It's watching my kids that I remember to be as gentle with myself as I am with them about good habits."

Now, I know this isn't the first time I've heard such sage advice - stick with it and be gentle.  But man did it hit me that day.  So, for about 2 weeks I remembered to realign my chin while driving in the car.  After that, it was more about implementing 'good' posture when I thought about it.

I saw her 2 days ago and she couldn't get over how much my posture had changed.  I laughed because I knew it was better, but I didn't realize by how much.  Just trying over and over and being unattached to the outcome (I've tried to fix my posture before, so if I failed, oh well, nothing new) allowed me to keep with my little consistent change.  My posture is by no means perfect, but I find myself subconsciously aligning myself all day, especially while seated in front of a screen.

So today, I found myself leaning forward as I walked.  I self-corrected as soon as I recognized it without consciously realizing it.  I laughed to myself.  Change, when not setup to fail, really is possible!

Little Perception Changes

A Course in Miracles says a miracle is "a shift in perception." These little miracles happen all the time, if only we pay attention so that we can see them.

I had a change in perception the other day. I had decided to take an eCourse. This course requires an art journal. I've never had one of those before, but knowing the paper weight requirements, I went to two different art supply stores with my coupon in hand. I could envision what I wanted. I was ready to spend my $20. Except, I couldn't find my art journal!

I had plenty of options, but none of them fit what I wanted. I was close to settling several times. I stopped myself, "I know what I want! Don't settle, you will find it!"

During all of this I was framing some pictures for our home and I needed to have a few blown up.  While picking up these (fabulous) pictures, I decided to poke around and see if I could find the art journal I was looking for.  I didn't feel like I would find it, but I knew to look.

Sure enough, I found exactly what I was looking for!  I checked the price and low and behold it was cheaper than what I would have paid at the art supply store with my coupon.

I smiled and said a little "thank you" out into the universe.  

As I checked out, the art journal was half of what I thought it was!  How exciting!! That's a 75% or more savings, which made me a little giddy!

It was at that point, in my car with my big geeky smile, I realized that this is my 'miracle.'  Instead of taking this experience for granted, I stopped and really appreciated it.  These little moments happen to me all the time and the more I recognize them and appreciate them, the better my days, weeks, and moths go.

(The picture turned out really nice as well!)

Vision Board

Have you tried making a vision board?  It's harder than you'd think.  I made one in late 2012, while reading some great books about what visualization can do for your dreams.

I went to the library and grabbed a couple of magazines from the free/swap bins and came home ready to cut and glue my way to success.  First, magazines are full of junk.  Lots of advertisements that only sport logos and lots of text.  Don't these people know I am trying to create my dreams here?!  Second, glue sticks dry out... quickly.  Third, it's hard to put your dreams into a visual format when you're not super clear on what they are.

Nevertheless, I created something.  I proudly displayed it next to my desk.  I was well on my way to greatness!! 

Well, vision boards don't really work if you only make them.  It didn't help that I put it on my magnet board and almost immediately covered it up with other bits and pieces.  Now, if that's not my subconscious speaking, I'm not sure what is.  I was unclear on what I really wanted and I couldn't even place that fuzzy dream ahead of to-do lists.

Over a year later, I am talking with my good friend Teresa Powers and she shares that she was planning to do a vision board workshop.  "They don't work unless you do the self analysis first.  Vision boards aren't just pictures and glue sticks."

Needless to say, I jumped at the chance to take her workshop.  That workshop was.... AMAZING.  We did self analysis, guided visualizations, identified strengths and weaknesses, created action steps, and brought some awareness to mental blocks.  Only after doing all of that, did we start looking into creating a visual representation of the dream we were trying to clarify.

We also discussed why vision boards aren't magic.  They do not go out and do the work for you.  They do not grow legs and kick you in the behind when you're not going after what you want.  Vision boards are a great tool.  But, that's the key, they are only a tool.  Tools require an operator.

They also require energy, effort, and meditation.  I put a great deal of energy into mine and I look at it everyday.  I put away my old vision board, cleared the clutter from where my vision board was supposed to go, and even got it framed.  Now, nothing sits in front of it and it makes me smile every time I see it.  However, I have yet to really start meditating and visualizing with it.  That might just have to change today.

Here she is in all her glory.  What does yours look like?

What if Money Were No Object?

This is blatantly stolen from UpWorthy.

I think it's pretty awesome.

Alan Watts - What if Money Were No Object?  NorthStarNetworker.com

"Turn Around"

I had a light bulb moment in 2012.  I took this class.  It was 5 weeks long, with a teacher that had traveled the world, there were about 10 students.  On the first day the teacher said, "This class is intense.  It changes people.  SO, if you're not ready, withdraw.  Don't fight it.  When you're ready, you'll be in the class."

That's quite the disclaimer.  Well, it was true.

This class changed my life.  We did many exercises that helped me realize that what I wanted in life, was not present.  The class focused on making your goals align with your work.

I have always been the one who will be on the front line.  Fighting, fighting everything.  I was miserable at my job.  I was fighting the injustice of what was happening, every.day. Always fighting a battle I knew I couldn't conquer.  I was tired, burnt out, grieving what my job should have been (I didn't realize that until later), beating my head against the wall.  All day, everyday, without fail... killing myself.

Then, one day in class we were discussing our careers.  A couple people realized that their unhappiness at work was their own doing and their goals matched up with their career.  Some of us weren't as lucky.  One of the students who was in alignment with her goals and career said this:

"I used to beat my head against a wall.  So focused on what I was doing, I never realized I could turn around and take a different path and arrive where I wanted to go."

It was at this moment that I yelled, "TURN AROUND! OH MY GOD, I CAN JUST TURN AROUND!!"  I didn't realize I was yelling, but my light bulb not only went off, it lit the room.

A few months later, after finding some peace, I was forced to 'Turn Around' and move on from that job (read: I got fired, oops).  I've had several 'Turn Around' moments in my life.  Keeping that option open to my consciousness is a struggle, but maybe by releasing this energy and story, it can come back around to me more often.

Leading to Wholeness

I found my year's theme through a letter to myself, it is written out here.

"I get in random funks.  I think the world, my world (read my relationships) is unhappy and judging me.  It's exhausting.  I try to keep calm, not take it personally, all the things I know I should do.  It doesn't work as much as I'd like it to.  it's gotten better, but I'm impatient.  I want that elusive dream.  I have the misconception that once "it" is obtained there will be no more fear.  Then, over and over again, I realized I'm functioning out of fear.  Most of the time, instead of being that bright moment where I re-align myself, I just want to give up!

Ah, to be dumb!!  To go back to being happy due to my huge blind spots.  To get mad, find a solution, and move on.  NOW, I realize that my 'solution' is a band-aid and what I'm truly mad about is my lack of control, one more face of fear.  Oh to be unaware.

All of this self-discovery, "doing the work" is .... terrifying!  Why?  Why does it have to be so damn hard?  Where's my bliss moment, the sky opens up and rains answers??  Then, I think, "Stop trying.  Read a silly book, watch TV.  numb (as Brene Brown would say)  It's hard.  If you evolve too much you'll loose your comfy life.  Eeek! Go grab a snack!"

Then, a glimmer shows up.  I hear something like Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) tell Oprah, "Whatever's in your head is your mantra... maybe you should change your mantra!"  The thought, "I am whole" crosses my mind.  I think "I am whole" is a wonderful mantra.  Remembering to keep an dmaintain my new mantra will be challenging, but maybe it's enough to keep me on the path.

Maybe."

Whole

Gretchen Rubin posted in her great blog about how she creates her year.  She grabs a theme.

My theme is wholeness.

I am whole.

"I am whole."  To me this means that I am continuing my path.  I already have the seed, sapling of my dreams.   I already create opportunities to Facilitate Growth.  I am grateful for the abundance in my life, in my marriage, with my family, in all aspects of my life.

This is my year, 2014 will be a year where I try to focus on being and continuing to be whole.

What's your theme?

I am whole.

NOT a resolution. A Year in Review...

As long as I post this on December 31, 2013, retrying my blog does not count as a New Year's Resolution.  I've never liked or made resolutions and 2014 does not seem like the right time to start.

I am still on the quest to better myself.  It's a long journey, however, I believe I have grown a bit.

I am a follower of The Daily Love and one of their contributors is Christine Hassler.  She posted an idea of doing "A Year in Review."  I think this is a great way to cap of 2013 and start 2014.  Find her article here.

January
I have to pull up my calendar just to get a glimpse of January because it was felt so far away.  Let's see, in January I was still trying to market my business as a Sign Language Interpreting Agency and hating every minute of it.  However, I was doing a lot of subcontract work and I remember thinking how lucky I was to have the opportunity to work in the settings I was.  Not too bad. OH, we re-financed the house to a wonderfully low interest rate!

February
My husband turned....26.  We didn't do much, because he's not a big celebration kind of guy.  I continued to do a lot of ongoing work as a subcontractor, but I am starting to feel disillusioned about really doing my business in this market.  However, I did my first workshop.  No one pre-registered, but 8 people showed up.  I really started to think I could do something different with my business...

March
Really more of the same.  I remember being a bit dejected about marketing my business and deciding to change what I was doing.  I started looking at what I could do to turn my ship around and add some more light into my life.  I also did my second workshop, I doubled my participants.  Exciting!

April
I started this blog.  It started sort of strong, I felt motivated and excited.  It felt like I was really changing my life (I was) and reading some great stuff.  I went to the state Interpreter Conference.  It was a blast!

May
This is when I realized that no one was really reading my blog, that the 'traffic' was from hoaky sites.  I decided to trudge on, I didn't trudge very far...  It's around this time that I think I really got that emotions and feelings stem from 2 places - fear and love.  I didn't get a lot of work as a subcontractor, thus I spent a lot of time living out of fear.  We also hit the 2 year mark of being homeowners.

June
Work picked back up and so did my social calendar.  I also had my trip home to look forward to in July.  I remember feeling like I was digging out of 'fear' and moving towards love.

July
I spent most of this month in bliss.  My 2 year anniversary with my beautiful husband.  I went home for 2 weeks and visited my family and friends.  My husband came home for the first time in 5 years, we had a great time!  Then, my parents came to my home for a week!  It was amazing!  I worked on my home with my Mom and Dad.  We accomplished so much and I can't even describe what it means to have the love of my parents worked into my home.  YAY JULY!

August
I got a new interpreting gig.  I had been going after this gig for a bit.  I knew that it would do great things for my skills.  I also, through this gig, have continuing education opportunities.  My subcontracting gigs pick up again.  It's also hot.... really hot!

September
I am in the rhythm of both gigs, adding in social things to help balance me out. I am still reading self discovery books.

October
A good friend is created in Theresa Powers.  By listening to her dreams I decide to to challenge her.  I am terrified that I have offended her, however, I am able to help her start the process of creating her dreams.  It is fascinating, fascinating in ways I can't even describe.  It's so much fun watching her be the success she deserves.

November
It's my birthday.  I love my birthday!!  I got a "Thank You Mood!" shirt and the complete hardbound collector's edition of "Calvin & Hobbes."  Needless to say, it was great!  I also did a lot of traveling.  I got to go for a week long training and to Las Vegas for the first time.  I watched my husband give his mother away in a beautiful ceremony.  It was great.

December
Looking back on the year, I have had struggles with life.  However, I think the year was great.  I did a third workshop and worked with Theresa and she has helped me to plan out and make a shift in myself.  I did a vision board workshop and realized that my goal in life, at this time, is to Facilitate Growth.   There are financial aspects to this, but I realized at the end of the month, I have already done what I wanted.  I facilitate growth in my workshops and I bet I am already making my hourly goal with how my work unfolds.  Pretty amazing.

So, that's my year.  2014 looks really great.

I am excited!

Another wave of fear...

"I am currently seeking government contracts."

This search was mostly in theory, making me feel good, like I was actually doing something worthwhile.....  Truth is, I haven't been doing much.  That is until now.  Now, I am in earnest drafting bids for government contracting and I am nearly immobilized by fear.

"Fear of what?"  I hear you ask.....

"I haven't a clue" is the simple answer.  "I am afraid of looking silly and failing" is the more complete and honest answer.

In reality I know that no one outside of me cares if I look silly.  Some nameless person will look at it, decide if it's what they want, and that is that.  It is done.  Supposedly, I will even get a call and they will tell me why I did not get the contract and how to make my next contract bid better.

In an effort to get over this fear I am going to do something I have heard a lot of guru's talk about:

Imagine the worst.

• The worst possible thing that could happen is that I could be black listed from all government contracts.
• This isn't actually that bad.  I have never had one, therefore, losing that as an opportunity is not going to negatively effect me currently.  It is a lose of potential income, not real income.
• I could lose the subcontractor position I currently have with a company I think is doing the government contracting in my area.
• I have no way of knowing this.  I know the company I am currently subcontracting through used to win these bids, but I am unable to find proof that the company is currently winning them.  
• If I were to lose my subcontracting position, well that would really suck.  Plain and simple.  However, I know of several companies looking for more subcontractors.  It's actually very odd that I only work for one company.  Most other people in my field subcontract with 3 or more companies.  
• This would force me to subcontract with other companies, expanding my horizons, and force me to work a little more diligently in getting my own contracts.
• I could not get the contract and everyone would find out what a loser I am.
• Most people don't care.  I have already crossed this bridge with bad internship experiences.  I still came out of it alive and learned way more than I ever imagined.  Plus, I still have friends, in and out of the field.
• I could win the contract and be unable to fill it.
• That's highly unlikely.  The contract is for a large facility with what seems like one consumer who would utilize my services.  Plus, they are looking to subcontract several companies to avoid this very problem. If I couldn't find someone to fill in, I could do it.  I could do this even if it meant calling into my current subcontracting company.  The company has a large pool and I could be easily replaced.  The likelihood of not being able to fill a job is minuscule.
• I am in direct competition with other companies and that makes me nervous.
• The reason it makes me nervous is because of the atmosphere other companies have created.  The companies hide behind their confidentiality agreements and have created a fierce atmosphere of competition that is wholly unnecessary.  There is more than enough work to go around, period.  That's something that I hate about my field.  It should be a collaboration and one of my goals is to improve my field by creating a collaborative base for all of us to pull from.  By being nervous I am perpetuating the thing and stereotype found in my field that I can not stand.  Being nervous makes me part of the problem, not the solution. Now that is silly!
• I am a huge success.
• Everyone profits from this.  I get to spread higher standards, employ my friends, make some money for myself, and create an environment I am proud of! 

That's everything I can think of and really, it isn't as bad as I thought (obviously).

I guess that means I can move ahead, without much fear.  Then, if it hits me again I can re-read this post.

I really need to do this more often.  Writing it all out really helped clear my head.  I think this should be a new habit for me.

Have you tried this technique yet?!

Fear of Success

Anyone out there scared of success?

I know I am.  I spent an hour trying to come up with something to write about.  I decided a blog might be good to help direct people to this idea I had - habitstones.com.  A shameless plug, I know, but I think it's a cool idea and it doesn't cost me or you anything if you go....  It's not like I even have a following on, let's see, .... Monday, April 22, 2013 at 7:52 MST.

Anyway, back to this whole fear of success conundrum.  I'm not 100% sure where this fear comes from.  I guess that's not entirely true.  I am a middle class white female.  I have a comfortable life.  Short the 2.5 kids, I have everything I need - food, shelter, transportation, love, and (for the most part) mental stability.  My resources are even kind of nice. I love my home, my car is in great shape, I eat whatever I want (yay food), I am 50% of a healthy marriage, and I only go crazy a few days out of the month.

That being said, why mess with a great situation... When you read a lot of 'positive books'  (Positive Books Blog Post), for me at least, it brings about a lot of gratitude for my current situation.  Like I said, my resources are nice.  Positive books also urge you to do better, go for the dream.  Which, is really nice in theory.  But, it's damn scary.  What if I leave this life and it doesn't work out, what if it does?!?!!?  Eeeek!

One of the things that positive books make you contemplate is your dream, where you want to be in a year, five years, ten.... and honestly, what I envision is sitting on my parents back porch.  I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but it's not exactly grand.  If my parents didn't live 1500 miles away I would have that dream already.  If they lived 5 miles away, that probably wouldn't be a dream anymore....

Beyond the back porch dream, I think what I would like next is more experiences.  Traveling seems like an easy way to gain more experiences, but I would like to travel with my family and husband.  Maybe move my family closer to me.... hmm, that seems like a decent idea, a solid dream.

So, I have success that means I get my family, which would lead me to feel more comfortable starting my own little family.  I think that sounds like a plan.

Not too shabby.